Words mean things. That's one of the many credos by which I live. I'm much less apt than most to forgive people for 'just talking' because I feel that people should stand by what they say, back it to the hilt... if necessary, live and die by what you say because it should be what you believe.
There's been a recent fracas over at fireflyfans.net, part of larger dustup as the main Firefly board on the fox website got closed and a whole host of people flooded over to the FFF site as their new home. The locals responded as most any group of people do when a larger new tribe moves in, defending their turf against invasion.
Words were exchanged, feelings were hurt on all sides, and there's bitterness aplenty for everyone to wallow in. I've heard from people on both sides of the issue, and nobody is happy about how matters developed. On the one hand, I didn't want my current home base on the net flooded with tons of new people... that sort of event has driven me out of more than one place because the law of the lowest common denominator tends to kick in and the level of discourse drops like a rock. On the other hand, if I'd been over on the fox board when it was shut down, I probably would have transitioned over to the FFF site as a natural progression.
It's too bad I missed the show, because I feel like I might have had something to contribute to the whole affair, perhaps to ameliorate the inevitable friction. Or maybe I'm just flattering myself.
(But Jesus Fucking Christ, people, it's just a website, it's just a TV show, let's not take this shit too seriously, okay?)
In the backdrop of that larger issue, a much more singular argument occurred, involving a person I have a well-known antipathy for. I saw it coming, I talked on it whenever his name came up, and frankly undoubtedly contributed to the overall nastiness of it when it came down, albeit indirectly since I wasn't there.
My first thought was something along the lines of "Sayonara, you worthless piece of shit. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
That's the best answer, think it, drop it, leave it alone. But frankly, he had pissed me off severely on a prior occasion, and I'll admit to a strong personal prejuidice because I've seen people just like him before, seen the problems, disruptions and misery they cause.
So I wanted to take a shot. When the excuse came, I took it. It wasn't my best example of verbal assassination ever, not by a long stretch. But it was halfway decent, and drew accolades from the rest of the clique.
(And let's be honest, what we have is a clique. It's a perfectly natural progression in social organization, unfortunately prone to attacking outsiders and exiled former members. In the past I've not been entirely comfortable with some of the business that's gone on in this group, and even registered somewhat mild protests. That, I do believe, was a mistake. Above all else, you should never be afraid to tell your friends when you believe an injustice is being done. To not do so is one of the most common forms of human cowardice, and the auspice under which some of the worst crimes are committed.)
In this case, though, I was fully for kicking him when he was down, more than that I was likely the most vehement proponent of doing so.
In my adult life, starting allegedly around the age of sixteen, I've tended to view myself as a blunt-force instrument crafted for the purpose of protecting the people I care for and the things I believe in. Peace and love are great, noble things, but oftentimes the only answer is to confront the situation head on and do your best to take care of business. I have few regrets in life, mostly concerning missing out on more normal aspects of life while I was busy playing Don Quixote and tilting at every windmill in sight, but I believe that I've done fairly well at this self-appointed task of mine. Further than that, I believe it's a necessary job and that somebody has to do it.
So when this individual essentially launched what I regard as crude, unwarranted attacks on my friends, my instinct was to take him down, hard. Hurt him badly enough that he wouldn't bother mi familia again. I don't regret that. But tonight I got a reminder on principles that I espouse, and like many people I occasionally fall down badly on practicing what I preach.
Between myself and this person, we share a mutual friend. This friend of ours is a fellow that I've only known for a scant few months (but as net-time goes, that's a long time.) I took a natural liking to him early on, because we have a lot in common in terms of mindset and personality. I knew that my attack on my 'adversary' as it were would upset him, but I regarded that as an acceptable result if I achieved the effect I was aiming for. Naturally, this friend of mine stepped in to mediate. Okay, fine, I took my shot, I'm willing to back off. My 'adversary' fired a return shot, and I was quite ready to offer a short, snippy retort and walk away for good, when our friend dropped another post into the mix.
Now this friend of mine is a very action-oriented fellow, a freewheeling chaotic sort of individual, possessed of depths that are easily overlooked if you don't pay attention. His offering was a rather touching and utterly out-of-character reference to Ghandi, as follows...
... life persists in the midst of destruction and therefore there must be a higher law than that of destruction. Only under that law would a well-ordered society be intelligible and life worth living. And if that is the law of life, we have to work it out in daily life. Whenever there are jars, wherever you are confronted with an opponent conquer him with love. In this crude manner I have worked it out in my life. That does not mean that all my difficulties are solved. Only I have found that this law of love has answered as the law of destruction has never done. - Gandhi
As I essentially stated above, I don't believe in pacifism. "What if we had a war and only one side came?" as it were. (Ghandi was a piss-poor pacifist as well, registering no public objections to the militarization over Kashmir, and by many indications chose non-violent protest because it was the most workable system to bring about the social change in those circumstances. But what the hell, he got the job done, and it is better to resolve matters as often as possible without a lot of running about and shooting.)
What my friend reminded me of is that there are essentially two good outcomes to a fight. One is, as I said, you put the other side down so hard they don't want to think about coming back at you.
The preferable outcome, however, is to not have the fight at all. If you do choose your battle, make sure it's over something worthwhile, something beyond your petty feelings. If in defense of your beliefs, your family, your values, fight hard and with no regrets. But when given the choice and given the chance, just walk the hell away. Live and let goddamn live, even when you feel that the person in question is every bit deserving of a good hard smashing.
So many problems in life can be handled with a simple usage of common courtesy. Oftentimes that can be the hardest thing to do, but for my part I believe in a life of virtue and rising above the status of the cro-magnon and clubbing my neighbors over the pettiest of squabbles. I may not love everybody, or for that matter most people in general, but I can keep moving on with my life and letting them live theirs.
My friend was right, ultimately I was wrong, and for everyone involved, this is my mea culpa. I'm not going to forgive and forget, but I will move on. The next time I'm tempted to do what has been described as my "William Tell impersonation through the side of (insert targeted uncivilized slob here)'s skull." I'll bear this lesson in mind.
